I don’t know if any of this is or will be true. But that’s the point in believing in something. Faith in something.
I’ve been thinking lately about how I haven’t been as proactive as I’d like to be. Or should I say, I haven’t been proactive enough in order to get to where I’d like to be. I look at my friends who have become successful in their fields. The fields in which I’ve been playing for a long, long time. Since I was a kid. And they’ve found ways to still feel rewarded by what they do. It’s because they keep doing it.
I, on the other hand, have found myself met with obstacles that deviate me from the path I’d chosen as a kid. And I’m not saying that I am not happy with them, or at least a lot of them, but they do hold me back from pursuing a more creative lifestyle.
I have a full time job which takes up a lot of my time and energy.
I have a relationship with a wonderful person with whom I will be married soon(er or later).
I have two cats.
I have a crushing anxiety about money and risk taking due to certain aspects of my upbringing.
All of these things help and hinder me in my creativity. However, getting out and actually creating has mostly become hindered more than helped.
So I’ve taken on the belief that all life transfers onto something else when one dies.
It’s given me comfort in that, maybe I will be reborn after my death as another person who has all that I have learned in this life about everything inside their head. And then maybe, once my last human life is lived and it was lived to its fullest potential, I will come back once more as a plant. And there I will live out the rest of my days in the peaceful comfort of just solely existing. Nothing to do, Nothing to be done.
I am going to will myself toward this end. And I will steel my self against all that do not matter in my journey to become a tree.