How does one know when it is time to give up?
I am unsure if that is really how it works though. I think maybe the decision to let go and move on has more to do with either how fed up we get failing at something, or how bored we get when we’ve found ourselves in a good spot. And I don’t think that it usually happens all of a sudden. It’s more of a gradual thing.
Recently I’ve been talking about how the option of going back to school has been brought up. I haven’t decided against it. In fact, I plan to go through with it. But with every life change there are things that we may have to give up. At least for a little while.
If you’ve been reading my posts, you’d know that I am a musician. A lyricist. A writer. And whatever else you might find lumped in with those nouns. And I’ve been pursuing that life since I was a boy (going on 20 years in April 2018). But like everyone else, I’ve had some missteps, slips, and tangles, and I’ve found myself growing listless in my pursuit.
I just feel like I’ve been working so hard at getting my repertoire full while only dipping my toe into the industry side of music. My main focus is to write songs, and if I want to make a living from that I need to dive into the industry side way more than I have. And I guess I’m burning out.
Does it feel like a waste of time? Yes, and a more sizable no.
I’ve found personal joy in what I have done as a musician. I’ve made so many friends, and met so many greatly influential people as a musician. I wouldn’t trade that experience for anything. Could I have delved into the industry of it more? Of course I could have, and probably should have. But all this time I’ve been working terrible jobs that I’ve mostly hated so I can feed my habit of staying home and writing, and I felt that if I’d gotten more into the business end of it I’m sure I would’ve hated it. It would’ve felt more like a job than a passion.
And really, in the end, I’m doing this mostly for myself. I have no grandiose message to tell the world with my music. I think I touch on some interesting points, but in no way am I a messenger.
I think the path that I am choosing will allow me to have my cake and eat it too. It just won’t be so Edible for a while. I know that I will never stop making music. And now I get to find a new skill that I can work at. And the rewards of that new skill may still be a few years out, but I can use those struggles as fodder for my writing brain.
So here’s to broader horizons and a saner mind.